Sunday, October 09, 2005

Wow-- That's a big ol' world out there bubba!

There Originally uploaded by amydell.
I know, I know, I haven't had much to say lately about anything,, other than the twins... They are all consuming-- and I think they've hit their "terrible two's" EARLY! (17 mos.) B and I took them out to several places this weekend- each time in an attempt to feed them (and ourselves)-- each time, we were met with opposition and SCREAMING! Kicking and general obstinance. Kat warned me about this (my GF with twin 2 year old girls)She said there was a stretch of about 6 mos that she and L didnt go ANYWHERE!!! That kind of freaks me out. I have always thought of myself as one of those women that once they had children (even tho it took us 7 years) that we would be packing them all over the city (or even the country) for Gods sake! The truth be told- we haven't taken them anywhere, really. The thought of leaving the house with them both now- by myself is terrifying. They are both mobile and not able to say anything but "agua" and "leche"-- and "shoe" and "cookie". Not really saying much else and without them even knowing their names--what if I lost site of them for a second? What if I was responsible for loosing one of them? Why did they let US bring them home from the hospital? I mean, really? They are so perfect and innocent-- its much easier to keep them at home and keep them that way!! I'm finding that more and more lately- I dont even want them around other kids that could/would infest them with their germs. Its a bit obsessive-- but I even carry antibacterial wipes with me in my bag and wipe down anything they touch. I know I cant protect them from everthing, but I am a bit freaked by this new avian flu thing that the prez keeps bringing up in the news. So-- the meaning of this long and boring post? I want to protect them. I want to keep them inside the window-- but I know, that certainly one day-- they will want to see more than what is inside that window. -- and that scares the shit out of me. Part of my prayers tonight? "God let me be a good enough parent" - "God let me love them, even though someday they will want to leave us- and have a life of their own," "God let me make it though them growing up."

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