"So what would I do different? First, on my 21st birthday I would begin keeping a journal. Every night I'd record where I went and what I did and with whom, even if the day has been routine and dreary. I would do that until I got old again. Reason this is important to me, I figure I've forgotten at least half the detail of the years I've lived. I've forgotten hundreds of names, places, events, remarks made, kindnesses done, wounds dealt. I grieve the loss of these details. They would be of huge value to me now. They represent a large part of my life, and they're gone. It's like half of me is already dead. "
I am attending a funeral later today- of the brother of a dear friend. 29- collapsed and is gone. Doesn't really equate to me. No mother should have to bury their child. It goes against the laws of nature. All we have is now. So- I'm committing to write more, love more, breathe more, listen more, be outside of the box more, smell and really taste the wine more, hug my kids more, kiss the B's goodnight more (all three of them!) and live. I'm just sorry it took me 35 years to get to this place.
I had lunch with a girlfriend from work and she made a comment that resonates with me. She mentioned some other co-workers that spend much of their time being miserable. (She's been there for 5 years-so she knows quite a few people.) I want no one who knows me to feel that way about me. If you were to remember me, I would want you to say things like- "she lit up every room she walked into", or "she loved her children and her family" or- "I've never met a funnier person"- because isn't laughter what ignites our souls? Its one of the wonderful things that ties us as humans. I'd also want you to say- "she cared about her community, restoring old houses, her kitties, the way she looked, the way she presented herself." or "she cared what I had to say." So, I'll continue to work on those things- in the forefront of my every days and I'll live those things in honor of people who cant, wont, didn't or will never have the opportunity to.