Friday, August 17, 2007

Grieving the Loss of the "Details"

I don't know if its 35 (shhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!) that's looming in the near distance or comfort in my skin- but I feel better than I have in a long time. Things just seem to continue to go well for me. "Life is what you make of it"- right? RIGHT! Life gives you Lemons, make Lemonade", right? RIGHT! Work- still continues to suck an unbelievable amount of my time!! What "time" was to me a year ago- no longer equates. Something as simple as this blog- for instance- has become the "monkey on my back" ;) I want to write more, I want to journal more, I want to capture each day (if even in a small way) that proves I lived it! There was an article in the Houston Chronicle a few weeks ago by Leon Hale, that captured my "almost 35" year old feelings as if I were 80! He talks about the possibility of being given the chance to be 21 again- and what he'd do differently.
"So what would I do different? First, on my 21st birthday I would begin keeping a journal. Every night I'd record where I went and what I did and with whom, even if the day has been routine and dreary. I would do that until I got old again. Reason this is important to me, I figure I've forgotten at least half the detail of the years I've lived. I've forgotten hundreds of names, places, events, remarks made, kindnesses done, wounds dealt. I grieve the loss of these details. They would be of huge value to me now. They represent a large part of my life, and they're gone. It's like half of me is already dead. "
I am attending a funeral later today- of the brother of a dear friend. 29- collapsed and is gone. Doesn't really equate to me. No mother should have to bury their child. It goes against the laws of nature. All we have is now. So- I'm committing to write more, love more, breathe more, listen more, be outside of the box more, smell and really taste the wine more, hug my kids more, kiss the B's goodnight more (all three of them!) and live. I'm just sorry it took me 35 years to get to this place.
I had lunch with a girlfriend from work and she made a comment that resonates with me. She mentioned some other co-workers that spend much of their time being miserable. (She's been there for 5 years-so she knows quite a few people.) I want no one who knows me to feel that way about me. If you were to remember me, I would want you to say things like- "she lit up every room she walked into", or "she loved her children and her family" or- "I've never met a funnier person"- because isn't laughter what ignites our souls? Its one of the wonderful things that ties us as humans. I'd also want you to say- "she cared about her community, restoring old houses, her kitties, the way she looked, the way she presented herself." or "she cared what I had to say." So, I'll continue to work on those things- in the forefront of my every days and I'll live those things in honor of people who cant, wont, didn't or will never have the opportunity to.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Checkin in Chicken-

HOWDY all! Its hard to believe its been 6 months since my last post! Work is good (great mostly), life is crazy (kids just turned three in May) and I'm busy with life. It really is a life change moving from a work-from-home situation to going back to corporate America. There's politics, there's lots of late nights and little ones who expect me home. They have transitioned very well-- just as kids do, from what I've heard. I read an excellent article today in Newsweek about working mommies and the "diverse" relationships they have with their nannies and children's caregivers. Check it out. Let me know what you think. Let me know how you are! Amydell

Thursday, January 25, 2007

I've blinked- and lost 3 months!

Corporate America is keeping me quite busy! I have to say that I'm enjoying what I'm doing quite a bit- although its hard to be away from the kids so much. It is nice to be able to talk with grown ups about things other than eating their mac-n-cheese and poo-poo. I've been working on some pretty major projects and one of them is about to launch this Friday, not that that will allow any down-time. I dont think there is such a thing at this juncture! Too much to learn- too little time to absorb- before moving on to the next thing.
Kids had a great Christmas- and we really enjoyed spoiling them rotten! They each got an electric car and lots of toys. It was probably the most memorable holiday of my life. Thats what holidays are for- making memories and spending time with family.
On that note- my grandmother died about 3 weeks ago. It was very sad. She was 91. She had a grand- long life and lived every minute to the fullest while she still could. Its scary- to get old. Let's not- and say we might... :) I'll pass- thank you!
What else? I've been swatted by my local mothers group for making a comment back to a poster that basically was trying to make any working mom on earth feel bad. Not just working moms either- but also- anyone who works hard for a living and has something to show for it. It was pretty uncomfortable- I wonder if she'll be at the MNO this next week- so I can smack her? FREAKING LIBERALS!
Hope you all are well! Post sometime soon so I'll know you are alive!