Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Isn't it true that we're all just basically - trying to make it through the day? I've blogged before about time management (and my lack of it)- but basically- I'm sucking at it lately. Is it my lack of time, lack of organizational skills, or is it the sheer number of things on my plate? We've still got our "other" home on the market and were getting showings- but we're not staying with our current realtor past this Sunday. So- we're going to try and sell it ourselves! (gulp! Gasp!) It won't be the easiest way- but it will give us more freedom to negotiate a price that might get it sold more quickly. We'll have to see. This being said- there are things that I would like to do to the other house to make it more attractive- but every dime we spend on it- is one less dime we're putting into our new home. Herein lies the problem-- prioritizing. Not to mention the fact that I've gotten 2 wedding invitations, my best friends baby shower to plan (at my house) and a bridal shower to attend in the near future. Add on the babies 2nd birthday, (Bills b-day was this past weekend) and WORK! -- and my plate is full!! The nanny keeps reminding me to "buy floor cleaner" and when I came home from running errands this afternoon-- the house smelled like wet soil- probably from the 2500SqFt of sod we just had installed. (Imagine the smell of compost and poop!) Then there are the things that go to the bottom of the list- like B's car needing to go into the shop for a leaky a/c before the heat of summer hits- and my car needing to go in for tire pressure monitors, and oh- did I mention the garage that still needs to be cleaned out at our old house? My list is getting more full and I'm getting more frustrated! It's a good thing, I suppose to have frustration in your life- it lets you know that "life aint easy!" It keeps you grounded. It also makes me feel as if my life is very apportioned, rarely feeling as if I can reach completion of the smallest tasks. It is burdensome. It makes me feel like a less than stellar mom. I feel guilty when I have to work, run errands and get life situated for the weekend, so that we can all have time together to relax. But I also feel guilty and preoccupied when I spend too much time during the day with the kids- never feeling as if the tasks I have on my list are getting accomplished and wondering when I can get back to work as I push them around the yard on their Radio Flyer trikes. I thought that life would be hard after kids- I didn't know that my life would be cut in two! Meaning- the life I have with the kids and the life I have outside them. (And never the two shall meet) --It will get worse- I assure you- if they are anywhere NEAR as active as I was in school activities- this part is the proverbial "cake walk!" I talked this evening with my SIL- who also (just) had twins- Boys- and she is returning to work in just a few weeks- My theory of why I could not do that (my mantra) is that the (my) babies needed individual attention, that "I" (AKA- nanny AND I) could only give them. I like to tell myself that their worlds would tumble into oblivion if I weren't present to witness them blowing bubbles from a BUBBLE wizard bucket for the first time, or finger painting with chocolate pudding or riding their trikes by themselves- but they wouldn't- they would be fine! But for me- the "little" daily milestones are just too darn big for me to pass up- so I keep on, keeping on- trying to fly above the crowd on my GIANT trapeze!- flipping and spinning and grasping to feel and deal with the guilt, frustration, giggles and tears- smiles and snotty noses of everyday life. The battle doesn't make me understand motherhood any more clearly- or make me a better planner or time manager- but it forces me to breathe and experience the moments that I know will be gone- all too quickly. It makes me accountable for the title of "mom".
I found April in my arms.
April golden, April cloudy,
Gracious, cruel, tender, rowdy;
April soft in flowered languor,
April cold with sudden anger,
Ever changing, ever true --
I love April, I love you.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Monday, March 20, 2006
Saturday, March 18, 2006
-Your first crush
-Your first bat/ball/glove and practice with your daddy
-The first time you say "gig em!" and get what that means! (you Aggies will get this!)
-The first time you tattle on each other
-The first time you get your self dressed.
-The first time you have an opinion on what you are wearing that day
-The first time you figure out how to work the remote w/o turning on the volume so loud
I know that most of these are simple things, but I remember all the other firsts- and with two of you- its hard to stop- and realize that something is in fact a first for one or the other of you.
Tonight I read this poem- and being one of MY firsts- I thought I would share it. Its beautiful and reminds me of both of my angels!
i love you much(most beautiful darling)
more than anyone on the earth and i
like you better than everything in the sky
-sunlight and singing welcome your coming
although winter may be everywhere
with such a silence and such a darkness
noone can quite begin to guess
(except my life)the true time of year-
and if what calls itself a world should have
the luck to hear such singing(or glimpse such
sunlight as will leap higher than high
through gayer than gayest someone's heart at your each nearness)everyone certainly would(my most beautiful darling)believe in nothing but love
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Check out the most adorable chick-a-dee in South Texas! This is just a snapshot of why we love her sweet-sunny disposition. While Granny B was in town last week- we took B&B to the Houston Zoo and on a train ride before hand-- since the boy had never ridden a large scale (smokey) train (shouldn't everyone at some point?) and the girl wasn't wasting any time- waving to her peeps- it all worked out. She always stops briefly to say "hi" or "bye" to just about everyone- and she has a very outgoing personality (as displayed in her internet movie debut) I just wish I could put some of her sweetness (now) in a bottle and keep it for a time when I'm about to loose it with her -- pull it out- and out pour the giggles and sunshine. My dad called today- first thing out of his mouth was "Aint it a booooooooootieeefull day, Sunshine?" -- I used to say to him- "aint it a boooooooootiefull day, daddy?" -- so when he's thinking of me- he usually calls and says that. Maybe baby girl gets her sunshine genetically? I wonder?? Take away all of the stress, two mortgages, consulting business, DH working for a fledgling business, and a "money pit" to constantly be sinking money into-- I might be all sunshine and giggles too. Aint it a bitch what adulthood does to a person?
DH just sent me http://www.shinyshiny.tv/2006/03/fluffy_tools.htmlthis link to "ladies sized" tools- fluffy screwdrivers and pink hammers- what fun! At least you know it would never be "lost" or misplaced by said hubby-- ;) I think I'll run right out and get the lavender ladies screwdriver- with fluffy white feather fringe!
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Friday, March 03, 2006
Well, there's a feeling in the air Just like a Friday afternoon. Yeah, you can go there if you want Though it fades too soon. So go on, let it be. If there's a feeling coming over me,Seems like it's always understood this time of year. Well, I know there's a reason to change. Well, I know there's a time for us. You think about the good times And you live with all the bad. You can feel it in the air, Feeling right this time of year. Well, there's a football in the air, Across a leaf blown field. Yeah, and there's your first car on the road, And the girl you'd steal. So go on with yourself If there's a feeling that there's something else. Seems like it's always understood This time of year. Well, I know there's a reason to change. Well, I know there's a time for us. You think about the good times And you live with all the bad. You can feel it in the air, Feeling right this time of year. Well, there's a feeling in the air Just like a Friday afternoon. Yeah, you can go there if you want Though it fades too soon. So go on, let it be. If there's a feeling coming over me, Seems like it's always understood this time of year. Well, I know there's a reason to change. Well, I know there's a time for us. You think about the good times And you live with all the bad. You can feel it in the air,Feeling right this time of year.