Tuesday, May 20, 2008

There Aren't Enough Words...

Crushingly, over the past few weeks, there have been several instances of heartbreak for me. Not the kind of heartbreak that collapses you- but the tiny little "tink, tink, tink" of a hammer and chisel that in some cases can bring down a mountain. I had a dear childhood friend recently (a next door neighbor and his dad) that I grew up with, that were senselessly murdered. Its a long drawn out story- but my point is that its amazing what the mind will remember when someone from your past is brought up again. You'll be going along with your busy hectic schedule and all of the sudden- "WHAM"- your mom calls and tells you about something tragic. (She emailed me actually) Heres an exerpt from the notes we exchanged: Obviously- we grew up in the country- so keep that in mind as you read it! ;)
"Ugh- I just got done reading the article about David and "Big David" -- and
I'm really choked up... I can remember fishing with him
on the banks of our stock tanks and he would always catch
grasshoppers (or at least help Lisa and I) and eventually, we'd
end up in the tank swimming and getting yelled at because there were
always snakes sunning themselves and you were afraid
we'd get bit. I can see him in my mind, running around in the
pasture with him when I was little. Thirty acres was the world to us
three. Even more than that was the additional land we would run
around on over their side of the fence. ;) I remember when dad
got so pissed when we went up on the holding tanks for the oil well?
(Im sure that was mine and/or Lisa's idea) I think that was the only time
I remember us ALL getting our asses beat! Dad was having NONE of that! Remember Dot (the truck? was that the name?) we'd all crawl up in her
and I can see David turning the wheel with Lisa and I sitting next to him
on the long vinyl, cracked bench seat that would poke our legs with the
jagged edges and we would pretend we were driving to far away
places... Like Bryan- I suppose? ;) We would climb trees and he would hold my hand to help me up
them and to climb up on "mountains" of brush that daddy would
stack before he burnt it off- we would pretend we were adventurers. His daddy was always pretty quiet- and soft hearted. I
remember being over at their house a very few times growing up -
and although I think I had an idea that Big David didn't have much
(neither did we for that matter!) I could always see his love for little
David. He adored his son- would have given anything for him. I don't
ever remember him yelling at little David for much- just to get inside for dinner
or yelling across the pasture for him to come home at dusk. What
I see in my mind is this wiry little kid with platinum blonde hair that flew
in the air by the end of the summer because his daddy would buzz cut
it at the first of the summer-and it would grow out. I remember him being
able to whistle with grass blades, and Lisa and I never could.
(I think Lisa got some remedial training in that department- because
she eventually learned to do it too I think- but I never did.) He could whistle
with two fingers too- we never could- it always made us jealous- and he
would be patient and still try and teach us how to do it, I can see him smile
this huge white toothed smile, right now, laughing at us. I guess we were
probably about 7 or 8? I can remember him crawling through the
barbed wire fence, mostly barefooted and wandering over to the back shed
when dad used that as a house for his tools and stuff. Remember,
I would wander down there and watch daddy and Little David would
wander over too and just hang out and have the occasional
question about what daddy was doing. He never did have anything bad to say about anyone-unless he was complaining
about Lisa and I (we probably weren't playing nice or something.) I don't
EVER remember him not having a smile on his face. I always thought of him
as an angel.. (And Lisa and I were the devils ;)-- (I mean that jokingly ;)
I don't know that we three played much together after we were past about 10-and
I know he had a much different life than I've had- but there's something to be
said about the children we spend our time with growing up. We grow
up- but those sweet memories are always there. I'll always have good memories
of our childhood. Its unfortunate that his and his daddy's life had to end
so abruptly and so violently. I cant tell you that I wouldn't have handled an
email from my daughter the same exact way. He did what he HAD to do as a dad.
He should always be her hero. I know intimately what I would do to save
my children from even the slightest pain. I wonder what will happen with the
kids now that they are gone? I pray they don't place them back with their mother.
That would destroy everything he stood for in getting them back in a safe place
where he could raise them surrounded by love and safety. I love you- Amydell" Additionally- I got a call from mom that a high school buddy died from breast cancer. She was a couple of years younger than I am. I'm telling you- not because I want to depress you- but because I want you to breathe today- I mean REALLY take a deep breath and whisper sweet songs to your kiddos tonight when you tuck them in. I really want you to hug someone you love and smell their hair and grab their hand when they dont expect it. Tell those you love how much you do love them and really be happy that you had today. Today will be a memory tomorrow and all we really have is today. On another note- just a few weeks away is Fathers Day!! I wanted to post a few pics of the kiddos at their first Astros game last night. It was a fun game- although the 'stros lost to the Cubbys. The kids ate hot dogs and popcorn and drank sodas. Bill and I split a beer. Bryce couldnt figure out WHY the train didnt just chug around Minute Maid Park the whole game. (or just once!) - which incidentally doesnt happen unless a batter hits one out of the park. Me thinks they are a little stingy with the train!!! ;) There arent enough words to explain how much I love this little family, this little life of mine and this great big town, Houston.

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