Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The "Milestone" Moments~

Today was a milestone, at least it was for me. I think one of the hardest parts of being a parent is not realizing when you are approaching a milestone- and you overlook it's significance. I've tried not to do this in the past- at the expense of making even the smallest things "overly" big. (other peoples opinion, not mine!) Meaning that even well-intentioned family members (even some that did not attend) thought that B&B's first birthday was over the top! They've even dropped hints that there should only be parties on their "milestone" birthdays (1, 5, 10, 16, 21) WHAT??? EVERY birthday is a milestone- and meant to be a party! I don't mean to make things a big deal- (yeah, I do) - but for God's sake- this may be my only shot at being a parent- so if I want to make a big deal out of birthdays, first haircuts, first days at the beach and new beds for them- then so be it! I vow not to do this-for anyone but them! I don't do it to keep up or to feel like I've done a better job than others with children- I make a big deal out of things because I didn't just "oops!-" my pregnancy. It was OVERLY dramatic and so will their lives be- because they are the kind of "big deal" worth having in my life. So, that being said- the milestone- we had their first "non-crib" beds delivered yesterday! We have been waiting on them for about 4 months. The were hand made by a local carpenter- and are BEAUTIFUL! They are in pieces right now- on the guest bedroom floor-. White washed and distressed- and have 2 placard-type carvings on the headboards of each one. They are heirloom quality- and I hope that B&B will love them as much (later, of course- when they can appreciate such things) as I've loved designing the beds for them. I cant just stop there though- I've basically gone over the top with the bedding for Bryce. I found Brooke's bedding immediately, but his has been much harder. I've bought and returned 4 sets of sheets, quilts and shams. I think I found the "one" today though- it can be reversed later to a floral pattern (the front side of the duvet is striped and very masculine in a "soft" shabby chic way. Baby blue, cafe and egg-shell colored (bold) stripes are on the side we'll keep flipped for Bryce- and later the reverse will "match" pretty closely to her current bedding. Perfect for a little gal or boy! The hard part of this whole process is walking into their bedroom at night- with their two matching, gorgeous cribs and watching them sleep, knowing that each day we get closer to the weekend is one of the last days I'll ever see them in a crib. They aren't my tiny 4 lb. babies anymore. They are toddlers. It breaks my heart! They each have a personality unique to them. She talks more than him. He loves music and Thomas the Train. When DID this happen? I thought I was being careful to watch and notate each milestone, to breathe and really experience each day of parenthood. But as careful as I've been- that doesn't keep their growing as people from hurting any less- because they need me less. I sound like a total freak- and completely co-dependant, but I finally understand what my mom went through only having to really raise just me. It's such a delicate balance of letting them experience their childhood and letting yourself enjoy their childhood. For now, and at least the next 3 days, I'll enjoy having them in cribs. I'll force myself to put the sheets on their new beds and talk excitedly to them about their sleeping in them for the first time, and how that makes them "big boys and girls". I'll cry inside and here, to you. knowing that this is just the beginning of the road for milestones which will ultimately lead us to their adulthood and their being productive "good citizens". In the mean time- everything is a big deal- because this is the only chance I have to be here, in this moment, loving them as they are right now.

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